We all grow up sometime

In summer, the song sings itself.  ~William Carlos Williams

For a girl who grew up at the beach, this year’s summer is getting increasingly harder. I’m in Grad school and it’s not the factor of having work to do that makes it challenging, it’s just the lifestyle. I come from a place where you are outside 90% of the time whether you work or not, a sundress is suitable for any occasion and a messy beach bun is practically an accessory. The beach is a part of life, I went at least 4-5 times per week last summer, it’s just what you do. Without the salty air and the southern accents, I’m afraid I’m just trying to adjust to calling my once only academic place, home. I love my job, I love my friends, and heck sometimes I even love this little western town but it’s having trouble filling the void. I want to sit by the water and nap, or eat at Chx overlooking the water, or babble with my friend Erin about crazy tourists- how do they live away from the beach? I suppose that degree came with more than just a pay increase, it came with growing up and giving up the things of your childhood. I guess I just assumed I would always have a beach in my life and now that I realize that it’s not so…well, it’s sort of sad

Hope…faith and love.

In a world of only mean people, it seems that I’m the only one handinq out a box of happiness- My niece, Hope

My niece inspires me so often. She is soon to be a teenager and has such a good head on her shoulders. Her ability to see the good in everything she encounters and love everyone she sees is endearing. It’s very hard to be so far from her and not get to visit often. When I lived at home, we were extremely close. We loved to bake together, go to the mall to window shop, get ice cream, and just share in each other’s lives. I think being around her so often rubbed off on me. As much  responsibility I felt to be a good role model and show her the positive way to be, she ended up becoming just as big an influence on me. I found myself learning from her in the same ways I’d hoped she would learn from me. Her name is Hope and I find that she becomes a symbol of her name in the way she leads her life. I miss her so much and can’t wait to visit again. She is also an incredibly talented artist and writer, maybe we shall just have to become pen pals, I think we would both enjoy that.

What happens in Vegas…

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.  ~Steven Wright

I was looking back on my Vegas trip from last summer with a smile. It was never really a place on my list to go but when a friend invited me as her graduation gift I accepted with excitement. We spent 3 days in Vegas, stayed in the Mirage and saw anything and everything you imagine. In Vegas, rules don’t exist. You make up your own and what would normally make sense, is thrown out the window.

There is something about the atmosphere in Vegas, something that breaks all your chains. You can suddenly be who you want and do what you want and it is a very freeing experience. So, as I reflected, I remembered that feeling and wondered…how can you capture that feeling every day? How can you live like you were dying without fear of consequence? Now it’s not necessarily that you want to go out and live like a wild woman, it’s having the feeling that if you really wanted to, well, you could.

I encourage you to live how you want, you only get one life and who wants to get to retirement and have a list of shoulda coulda wouldas?

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.  ~e.e. cummings

I do a lot of thinking these days, more so reflecting. I’m a senior in college and I’m boring. I go to bed as soon as I can, I never go out, in fact I seldom even hang out with friends. Thank God I have such great co-workers or I would surely go batty.

After all this thinking, I compare this to my freshman self. I stayed up til two in the morning and got up at seven the next morning, never missed class, ALWAYS hung out with friends and I was very spontaneous. Even at the beginning of this year I would do things like wake up at five am and watch the sunrise on Dan’s Rock with a friend. After the onset of Core and now my Senior Show, I realize I simply do not have time to live. I take 19 credits and work 2 jobs all while preparing for  my show. In order for all of these things to stay afloat I have no time to play.

I have a fear of failure. I do not want riches or fame, I simply want stability. The only person that is going to provide that for me, is me. I’m willing to work hard and sit out from playtime for a few years if it means that I can get a job and pay bills on time. I don’t even need the extras I simply want to know that I can support myself steadily. This fear breeds more fear. The fear that I am wasting my youth. College is the best time of your life right? Well I haven’t done much living this past year and in two months it is over and the scariest part about it is that I can’t change it. I can’t slow down because there is too much on my plate to do that and still succeed. All I can do I hope that I’m not only courageous in becoming who I am, but taking responsibility for it.

Sweet American honey…

Get caught in the race of this crazy life, Trying to be everything can make you lose your mind- Lady A

There comes a time when you honestly have to do what you believe despite what anyone else thinks. Don’t get me wrong, having a good reputation is very important but the petty things seem to get in the way so often. You can’t be everything, you will in fact lose your mind. Finding your stance and sticking with it is the only way you will make it out alive. You know the time I’m speaking of, the point where you say things you know will cause trouble but there’s such a belief in your spirit for it that you can’t contain them. Today has been full of those moments. I’ve tried to speak my mind respectfully and at times been shut up with food from a friend because I was getting a bit out of hand. I hate the unjust, I can’t stand it and it makes my rage inside. Life is just a bunch of politics, you play your hand in regard to your opponents, not your foundation. Well my foundation is thick made of stone,  concrete, and the crimson earth of the south so call me an optimist or more likely, call me stubborn but either way I’m going to do and say what I believe.

Those crazy art majors…

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. -Scott Adams

Realizing this quote is a huge revelation for an artist, especially a student. We see things entirely different and make things out of nothing. This quote is entirely right, we are a bunch of mistake keepers, junk gatherers and radicals. Those weird kids on campus that walk into App station looking like they rolled around in dust and dirt or had a fight with a paint can and lost, the ones that pick random crap like rocks up and put them in their pocket, the ones that you always ask for directions to the men’s bathroom from, oh yeah that’s us. We are our own little world because we have a weird way about life. We look at crap and think of all the ways we can screw with it to make it look awesome. Many times it turns out completely different from the mark of beauty it was in your mind but sometimes that random mistake, turns out to be your greatest accomplishment. The art community is truly that, a community. I live in my studio hours upon hours on end but we keep each other sane. My community is using Rhodes quotes in everyday life; Whales and Dr.Pepper as a diet staple; calling my profs by their first name; and most of all bouncing ideas of each other to create caffeine induced miracles we call artwork. I’ve learned over the past four years that art is finding beauty in the things the rest of the world dismisses and realizing that reminds me of how unique the eye of an artist is.

A southern girl is a girl who knows full and well that she can open a door for herself but prefers for the
gentleman to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect. After all, every girl wants to be treated
like a princess. We know how to make sweet tea and grits while telling you everything about any football
team in the SEC. We pick our battles and fight with the heart of a pit bull while still maintaining grace
and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered southern bell who could direct an
army, loves her momma and will always be daddy’s little girl

Today reminded me of being in the south. I know, how can living in the tundra of Frostburg remind me of the south? Well, it was slightly on the warm side today and by warm I really just mean not frigid and it was actually enjoyable to walk around outside. I suppose that, with the combination of being called cowgirl about five times due to my plaid shirt I frequently wear on studio days, made me just reminisce. Ways of life are just so different in the south. I love where I am at and I am eager to live anywhere opportunity arises but there is just something warm and wonderful about being raised in dixieland. My moment of southern warm feelings was quickly interrupted by the forecast for 20-24 inches of snow but snow days too, have their magic.

Be the change that you want to see in the world.- Ghandi

I’ve done quite a lot of self-assessing today. After thinking over the past semester until now, I realize that I have become quite the complainer. Whether it is simply that it’s too cold out or that someone is annoying me, I have fallen into the habit of letting my mouth get the best of me. It isn’t so much that I gossip or anything like that but honestly, no one wants to hear complaints from someone every time they speak to them.

I have fallen victim to the average college lifestyle in many ways. When I got here four years ago, I was much more self-controlled. No fuss, just do it. That is how I want to be again. I want the first thing people to think about me not to be that I’ve had a rough time but that I’m cheerful and pleasant to be around. I’m no Scrooge but I fear I am on my way. I want to be lighter about things and I’m learning from those around me that well, it’s not that hard. I’m lucky to be surrounded by so many positive influences. Shucks, I might just go out and be one.

 

There’s nothing like biting off more than you can chew, and then chewing anyway.  ~Mark Burnett

Endurance, something I’ve never been good at. I’ve always been a sprinter in every sense. All the sports I played, volleyball, softball and all my activities were defined by single moments. Those couple short moments you’ve been preparing for that determine greatness in an instant. Even in my art, I lay something down and love it or destroy it and begin again. Long intense periods of time for anything drive me batty.

This semester is truly going to test my endurance. I am taking 19 credits, working full-time, producing a senior show and juggling various other organizations and activities. I work every day 8am- at least 11pm every night wading through my task list and when I wake up the next day it has completely replenished itself. Don’t get me wrong, I love being productive, it fuels me to keep going. I’m used to these weeks but they usually only happen sporadically. Now that this is going to be demanded of me weekly, well I just have to get through it. I’m motivated because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and lemme tell you, that diploma shines bright down there.

I Love Lucy!

“Once in his life everyman is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous red head.”- Lucille Ball

Yep, I’m a redhead. I’ve paid my dues of being called carrot top and dealing with freckles. Here’s a secret they don’t tell you as a kid though, once you’re older, being a redhead is a actually a good thing. I was getting my hair trimmed and the lady actually held my hair up to the color swatches so she could dye her hair that color. It was quite flattering.

Ok so this post isn’t really just about having red hair, it’s about being you, quirks and all. There’s something about everyone that’s a little off, it makes us insecure and what we so often don’t realize is, that is usually what draws people to us. Every woman deserves to be fallen madly in love with, don’t settle. Get stingy! I promise, it’s ok to know what you want and to wait to find it. Find what makes you you and embrace it, appreciate it. Never settle for anything less than your fairytale.